Honestly Laid Bare

Sometimes, I do just feel like I'm wrestling with God. I haven't spent the time to REALLY seek Him, so I pick up on a sliver of His will for my life, and run with it. I do the grunt work to get involved in something like what I know He's put on my heart, and think, "This must be God's will." When maybe it isn't. 

We heard an excellent sermon on wrestling with God to get what He's already promised this week at Believers Tabernacle. And the more I think on it, the more I'm convicted. I have not been seeking God, and giving Him a lot of my time. I've been trying to decypher God's will and then running with it. So, over the next few weeks, as our church fasts for direction, I'm going to pursue my Jesus, My Father, for Him. I hope for answers, and leading, and maybe even a renewal of my calling, but I just want God. I want to be near Him, and to be so close as to smell His scent, to hear His breathing. I want to fall asleep to His comfort and peace. I want to wake up knowing the chaos drawing near is part of His plan, not my mistake.

Unbelief

I couldn't sleep this night, and one of my favorite ponderings was wondering around in my skull.

I've heard a lot of funny theology in my 25 short years, and one of the things I've heard tossed around is that "some people don't receive their answers from God because they have a sliver of doubt still."

And yet, in Mark 9:24, a man who's son is demon possessed, when confronted with Christ' statement that "everything is possible for him who believes," cries; "I do believe, help my unbelief."

And his prayer to Jesus Christ is answered.

Was it the crowd running to the scene? Does something happen between the verses that helps the mans unbelief become 110% Pentecostal FAITH? Or is faith not negated by unresolved unbelief?
What would you as a parent think, if you had a tortured little boy, whom many claim to be able to help, but none can? and one day a man comes along that you have heard has great power, He may even be from God. Would your hopes rise, leaving doubt locked in the basement? Or would that struggle begin again. Hope and Faith battling Doubt, Dissappointment, and stinging Fear? What would you do if the man's closest followers shout and yell and command the spirit that has your son in it's grip... and nothing changes? Would you run away crying, screaming at God because not even those purported to come from Him can help? Or would you hope? Would you fight back your own demons, and tell the One that you believe, while there is this terrible part of you that struggles to hope...

If you did, your little boy would be healed.

So, I finally did it. I carved two dovetails into the end of a 3 x 3/8" pine board. After carefully measuring and marking my layout with my new sliding T-Bevel. (Keeps angles so you only have to set it once)

my NEW 6" Fine Dovetail Dozuki precisely cut the angles. With an amazing 32 teeth per inch, it still cuts super fast but very fine, and VERY accurately.

I'm sorry I don't have more pictures, but the camera was nowhere to be found, and daylight was fading. If you know me, all you have to do is picture Me, out on our "L" shaped deck about 6ft x 6ft, with a Black and Decker portable clamping workbench, a thin pine board clamped in it, and all these woodworker tools sprawled out around me. With the sun going down, I calmly cut and chisled the small pieces of wood out of my first board. Despite the precise, fine work, I felt Manly. Without a workshop or even a real work bench, I have begun my woodworking. 

I used a good chunk of my birthday money this year to buy the workbench and the T-bevel, and the saw was purchased with a bonus I earned at work. So to all those who have funded and encouraged this hobby, thank you so much. I will definitely not be stopping now.

Clear Skies

Today, my mind is the clearest it has been in a long while. It could be the good night sleep I finally had (putting a pillow under, or between your legs, is awesome), it could be the extra time I got to snuggle with my wife on her break, it could be any number of things. But, I feel really great, mentally, tonight, and just can't go to sleep for fear it will end with a restless night. I desperately want to want to pray, and read, but somehow, it seems like wanting to reading a college paper when I'm in shorts and a cutoff shirt sitting on a volleyball court. Something just doesn't fit. I have all this energy, and it's not stiffling or crazy or foggy. Just, natural. I often wonder what Heaven will be like, with no sickness, no stress, no brain fog. Just Living. It'll be interesting to see if we still need planners and email.
Anyway, I was hoping writing something would help me find what's brewing tonight with my Brain Juice, but I just gave you a little journal I guess, I hope you like it.

What ever you do, DONT MOVE

a literary demon writing to his nephew, another demon, about his "patient."

"The great thing is to prevent his doing anything. As long as he does not convert it into action, it does not matter how much he thinks about this new repentance. Let the little brute wallow in it. Let him, if he has any bent that way, write a book about it; that is often an excellent way of sterilising the seeds which the Enemy plants in a human soul. Let him do anything but act. No amount of piety in his imagination and affections will harm us if we can keep it out of his will. As one of the humans has said, active habits are strengthened by repetition but passive ones are weakened. The more often he feels without acting, the less he will be able ever to act, and, in the long run, the less he will be able to feel."

"Screwtape - C.S. Lewis The Screwtape Letters"

WHAT IS THIS>>

I have done it. I have loaned a place to sketch my thoughts and see what you think. I want to dump my ideas and rantings here, and talk about them with you. I hope you know me, and I hope you know my Jesus, otherwise this will get interesting.
Sometimes, I think some funny things, and mostly, I hope they can bring someone closer to the God who loves and created us. Sometimes, I just don't want my wife to hear another crazy idea that really, in our world, won't amount to much. But maybe, just maybe here, they can be worth something to someone.

SO LETS TALK!!