Honestly Laid Bare

Sometimes, I do just feel like I'm wrestling with God. I haven't spent the time to REALLY seek Him, so I pick up on a sliver of His will for my life, and run with it. I do the grunt work to get involved in something like what I know He's put on my heart, and think, "This must be God's will." When maybe it isn't. 

We heard an excellent sermon on wrestling with God to get what He's already promised this week at Believers Tabernacle. And the more I think on it, the more I'm convicted. I have not been seeking God, and giving Him a lot of my time. I've been trying to decypher God's will and then running with it. So, over the next few weeks, as our church fasts for direction, I'm going to pursue my Jesus, My Father, for Him. I hope for answers, and leading, and maybe even a renewal of my calling, but I just want God. I want to be near Him, and to be so close as to smell His scent, to hear His breathing. I want to fall asleep to His comfort and peace. I want to wake up knowing the chaos drawing near is part of His plan, not my mistake.

Unbelief

I couldn't sleep this night, and one of my favorite ponderings was wondering around in my skull.

I've heard a lot of funny theology in my 25 short years, and one of the things I've heard tossed around is that "some people don't receive their answers from God because they have a sliver of doubt still."

And yet, in Mark 9:24, a man who's son is demon possessed, when confronted with Christ' statement that "everything is possible for him who believes," cries; "I do believe, help my unbelief."

And his prayer to Jesus Christ is answered.

Was it the crowd running to the scene? Does something happen between the verses that helps the mans unbelief become 110% Pentecostal FAITH? Or is faith not negated by unresolved unbelief?
What would you as a parent think, if you had a tortured little boy, whom many claim to be able to help, but none can? and one day a man comes along that you have heard has great power, He may even be from God. Would your hopes rise, leaving doubt locked in the basement? Or would that struggle begin again. Hope and Faith battling Doubt, Dissappointment, and stinging Fear? What would you do if the man's closest followers shout and yell and command the spirit that has your son in it's grip... and nothing changes? Would you run away crying, screaming at God because not even those purported to come from Him can help? Or would you hope? Would you fight back your own demons, and tell the One that you believe, while there is this terrible part of you that struggles to hope...

If you did, your little boy would be healed.